some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
