why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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