Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
