Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
