office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
