My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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