I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i came on her dog
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
