I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what day is it and did you see me today?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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