why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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