This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
