id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
