I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
