Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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