i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Bring me that man meat
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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