Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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