Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
