We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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