I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i think i just lost a toe
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