i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
