I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
