Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
