South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
