Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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