ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
