I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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