She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
