another moral hangover. fuck.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
