WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
