there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
