did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
