it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
