Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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