I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
