My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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