Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Screwed.edu
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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