Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
