she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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