My Higher Power is John Stamos
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
