Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
