I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
