Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
