Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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