The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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