Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
