Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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