So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
