yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
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Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize