you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
