I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
