youre lurking in front of me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
