thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
