Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Come share oat with me in your robe
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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