I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
