That's when you crack a 10am beer
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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