What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
