small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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