my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
