pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
