Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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