Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
