3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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