Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
