So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
