it wasn't lemon gatorade
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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