call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize