I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
