Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
