I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
