highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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