the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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