Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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