What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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