Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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