who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
