your thong is hanging out like whoa
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
