Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
