theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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