I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
