he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
