i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
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So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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