Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
