I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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