No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
