Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
